My mystery audience….who is out there? You are, of course.
I just got off the phone with my sister, who is in many ways my best friend. We played together as kids; we ended up having our children at the same time, so our children are friends as well. She knows everything about me….you think? Well no, she just is not interested in my blog, neither are my kids, neither is my husband, and if I shared with my co-workers about my physical disability they would not be interested either, why???? The subject matter! Unless you live the life of a neurogenic bladder and bowel it is the part of life that is shoved under the corner, hidden and heaven forbid, not spoken of in polite society. We need to be stoic. Sometimes I do not feel like being stoic. Sometimes I want to truthfully answer the question; how are you?
So we like minded souls keep busy hiding ourselves. We are on strict time clocks. We have what we need to keep ourselves smelling nice and yet there is more. How great it would be to just cut loose about ourselves. Could we, like a new mother goes on and on about her child, engage in topics like; I have my third bladder infection this month, is this going to kill me? Or how about this one.. Do you all know how hard grocery lines are? Just once I would like to call my sister and tell her all about the trauma I endured in the grocery line. Just last night I was in a long line, being held up by an elderly couple because they wrote a bigger check than was allotted. I had people in front of me. I had people behind me…Then that dreaded feeling hit…What could I do? Do you feel my pain? You are right. It happened. I went home and took a shower afterwards. Yes, thank you for understanding and even caring. You share my life and as inappropriate as it seems, it is mine. Most persons that know and love do not care about this part of my life.
We could laugh about our situation a good sense of humor is always good. The last time I was in my urologists office I saw a sign that said," I laughed so hard the tears ran down my leg." I feel good about being in a secret society that feels comfortable with that humor! You all understand, How wonderful!
How about a prayer service at church. Please let's pray for Sam here, he has 4th stage cancer, his dog died, and his wife left and took the kids. Why have I never heard prayer for Fred? Poor Fred suffers from fecal incontinence and his hemorrhoids cause so much pain the when he sits or walks. The burning causes him to lose track of what he is talking about because of the discomfort. Diapers are so expensive, please let's take an offering for his supplies.
Sometimes I think it is so rewarding that I have the privilege to write to people I do not know, yet I do know in a very personal way, because the people who love me would rather not know. But you….you understand the very part of my fear, my challenge, my hardship, my disappointment, my joy, my triumph, and yes at times my humiliation.
I appreciate you!