Trudy Triumph's Neurogenic Bladder Blog

Limericks from an 18 Year Prostate Cancer Survivor Guest Author Jim Yount

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WHEN I COULD NO LONGER PEE PAST MY TOES

MY DOC PUSHED A TUBE UP MY HOSE

I KNOW HIS INTENT

BUT I KNEW WHERE IT WENT

WHEN IT’S TIP CAME OUT MY NOSE

 

Do I have a treat for you. Finally guys it is your turn. Because of Google Analytics I know that most of my readership are men so perhaps you are reading this and you are incontinent because of prostate cancer. Please enjoy a guest blogger, Jim Yount.

 

Are you interested in being a guest blogger? How about joining our Circle of Friends?

 

Dear Trudy,

I am enclosing the material we discussed. I am an eighteen year prostate cancer survivor. In step with your blog “TrudyTriumph.com” I wrote the limericks over a period of several years post-surgery and radiation treatment. I did not observe humor in the hospital nor my urologist’s office, so I made an effort to give some laughter from my perspective to my doctors and their staff. I would recite a limerick to them about their treatment, exams, and their side effects of their efforts. I figured it was better to laugh that cry.

Some of these are pretty raw and exaggerated, which is the nature of limericks. They are pretty chronological in order and recorded for copy-right protection.

Please enjoy and smile,

Jim Yount

 

UROLOGY RADIO ONCOLOGY

 

SANDRA, SHARON, AND DEBBIE TOO

WITH MARKERS RED, WHITE, AND BLUE

DREW A MAP ON MY BUTT,

SO THEIR PHOTONS COULD FIND THEIR WAY THROUGH

 

IN A ROOM WITH A NICE COOL BREEZE

AND MY PANTS PULLED DOWN TO MY KNEES

MARY JO SAYS LIE STILL

I SAY THAT I WILL

BUT WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SNEEZE?

 

DEBBIE, JANET AND THE BENCH WARMER, AND OLIVIA

TALK TO ME ABOUT TRIVIA

THEY SAY WITH A BOIG SMILE

HANG AROUND HERE A WHILE

WE’LL ZAP YOUR C-A TO OBLIVIA

 

TOM I’VE ONLY ONE WEEK TO GO

ALTHOUGH TIME GOES BY PRETTY SLOW

TO GET RID OF THIS ROT

I THANK YOU A LOT

YOU’VE LENGTHENED MY LIFETIME I KNOW

 

I’M FEELING MUCH BETTER THESE DAYS

THANKS TO YOUR CARING PROFESSIONAL WAYS

AND TO YOUR FINE STAFF

ALWAYS QUICK WITH A LAUGH

I THINK YOU SHOULD GIVE THEM A RAISE!

 

THERE WAS AN OLD MAN FROM TEMPE

WHO WAS FILLED WITH JOY AND GLEE

WHILE HE WAS TRANQUILLY DREAMING

HIS DOCTOR WAS REAMING

SO NOW HE CAN ONCE AGAIN PEE

 

I CALLED UP MY DOCTOR TODAY

ABOUT THE RESULTS OF MY LAST P S A

HERE’S WHAT HE SAID

“JIM YOU ARE NOT DEAD”

OH BOY, DO I LIKE IT THAT WAY

 

THERE WAS A MAN FORM PAH RUMP

WHO WAS LEFT WITH A NAUGHT BUT A STUMP

WITH HIS DOCTORS PRESCRIPTION

AND NURSE KAREN’S DESCRIPTION

HE PUMPED UP HIS TRUMP FOR A HUMP

 

IN A DOCTORS OFFICE IN WHICH I TAKE STOCK

NURSE KAREN WORKS FOR MY UROLOGIST DOC

SHE HELD ONTO ME

WHILE MY DOC HELPED ME PEE

BY SHOVING A STICK UP MY COC

 

WHEN I COULD NO LONGER PEE PAST MY TOES

MY DOC PUSHED A TUBE UP MY HOSE

I KNOW NOT HES INTENT

BUT I KNEW WHERE IT WENT

ITS TIP CAME OUT THROUGH MY NOSE

 

January 2010

 

THERE WAS AN OLD MAN FOR LAKE PLACID

WHOSE DEMEANOR WAS INCREASINGLY ACID

SINCE HIS SURGERY WENT ASCEW

HE COULD NO LONGER SCREW

BECAUSE HIS ORGAN WAS FLACID

 

THERE ONCE WAS A WOMAN NAMED ALICE

HOW GAVE HER HUSBAND CIALIA

IF SHE ONLY KNEW

SHE’D TURN BLACK AND BLUE

FROM THE BANGING SHE GOT FROM HIS PHALLUS

 

FOR A BIOPSY OF MY PROSTHETIC MASS

TRANQUILIZED, THE DAY QUICKLY DID PASS

ALL I REMEMBER OF THAT DAY IN DECEMBER

IS SOMEONE’S COLD HANDS ON MY ASS

 

LITTLE WILLIE WAS ONCE A GO-GETTER

BUT LATELY HAS BEEN LIMPER, SORER, AND WETTER

THIS STUFF THAT I HAVE

CALLED DR. NAIR’S SALVE

HAS MADE LITTLE WILLY MUCH BETTER

 

I KNOW A UROLOGIST NAMED INGER

WITH WHOM I WISH NOT TO LINGER

BUT HE’S AS GOOD AS THEY COME

FOR A GUY WITH NO THUMB

WHO CAN PRACTICE WITH ONLY ONE FINGER

 

AND I KNOW WHERE IT GOES!

 

JULY 2011

 

MY DOC SENT ME TO ONE OF HIS CRONIES

WHOSE TREATMENTS ALL TURNED OUT TO BE PHONIES

HE SENT IN A YOUNG LASS

FOR A SHOT IN MY ASS

WHICH MANAGED TO SHRIVEL UP MY COJONIES

 

THERE WAS ONCE A UROLOGIST NAMED KELLY

WHO GAVE ME A SHOT IN THE BELLY

“IN MIRACULOUS WAYS

IT WOKS IN SEVEN DAYS”

SURE ENOUGH, IT TURNED MY WEE WEE INTO JELLY

 

ROLF PANKE IS MY HARD WORKING DOC

HE TREATS PATIENTS ALL ‘ROUND THE CLOCK

AS CHRISTMAS DRAWS NEAR

DOCTOR ROLF, NEVER FEAR

SANTA ILL FILL UP YOUR SOC

 

 

 

 

 

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