The best way I can decribe my depression is feeling happy and sad at the same time.  What is this cold and gloomy winter about anyway?    Why do I feel so down in the dumps and miserable?  With all the high expectations of the holidays there is disappointment after disappointment.  I find myself feeling more and more like Eeyore with my tail between my legs.  With each disappointment I fall deeper in the hole and it is a little harder to bounce back.  I need to share my children with these strange families that do not understand how the holidays are done.  I have a son far away in a strange land with bullets flying. I have to follow strict rules where I work and I constantly have to be patient with the same questions.  It is getting harder and harder to get out of bed.  Life for me sometimes can overwhelmingly, feel very bleak.  I hate to admit it, but honestly sometimes I feel quite overwhelmed.  I do not take medication for depression.  I try to get out  sometimes even when I don’t feel like it.   A glass of wine can do the trick sometimes,  but why  can't I shake this heavy cloud that looms overhead?  I have so much,  yet the Depression and dealing with a neurogenic bladder and bowel  can make the  feeling of despair  hard to shake.

For this post I was interested in seeing if there was a connection between a neurogenic bladder and depression.  And you know, there is!  I found a very interesting study done on a group of people with spinal cord injuries needing to cath to pee.….Gee that is like me….In total, 102 women and men ages 18 to 75 participated.  They all  completed the Beck Depression Inventory (BDI). The results were compared to the  population of people free to take a wiz, any time, any how.  Any guesses as to the results?

The results were that the patients with neurogenic bladder because of  SCI have higher degrees of depression than normal population. In addition, the findings also convayed  that depression is closely related to gender (women had a higher rate.)   The patent's ability to perform self-catheterizing were less depressed than patients that require help to pee, YOU THINK???.  What I find interesting about this study is that we are not talking about MS, Parkinson's Disease, Diabetic Atrophy, AIDS, or another disease that causes other symptoms besides neurogenic bladder,  such as brain fog or pain to other areas of the body.  The study  looked at  just the cathing issue and neurogenic bladder causing the depression.  Perhaps I should not be so hard on my self?  Does the depression stem from needing to work a little harder to fit in?  Is there a physiological reason?  So what does this experiment mean?   My husband told me that he read , women with bladderinfections can go crazy.  Perhaps they get depressed before they go crazy.

I just bet that I am not alone, I know that there are many kindred spirits that are told by their families to buck up, exercise, eat better,  and smile more.    Every time I feel my painful bladder I buck up.   Every time I poop my pants trying to keep up, I just keep on going, but sometimes life can be a bit tough.  When someone suggests "doing something about it" I want to shout, I AM DRESSED ARN'T I?

Thank you for listening to my rant, I promise I will try to keep things lighter next time.  I just felt like being real.…more later…


To lighten things up I thought I would share this joke with you. 
It made me laugh, I hope it makes you laugh too….

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying
there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "its fart football."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I’m
ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, "Touchdown, tie

Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, "Field goal, I
lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he
strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable
he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, "What was that?"

The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides."