WHEN I COULD NO LONGER PEE PAST MY TOES
MY DOC PUSHED A TUBE UP MY HOSE
I KNOW HIS INTENT
BUT I KNEW WHERE IT WENT
WHEN IT’S TIP CAME OUT MY NOSE
Do I have a treat for you. Finally guys it is your turn. Because of Google Analytics I know that most of my readership are men so perhaps you are reading this and you are incontinent because of prostate cancer. Please enjoy a guest blogger, Jim Yount.
Are you interested in being a guest blogger? How about joining our Circle of Friends?
Dear Trudy,
I am enclosing the material we discussed. I am an eighteen year prostate cancer survivor. In step with your blog “TrudyTriumph.com” I wrote the limericks over a period of several years post-surgery and radiation treatment. I did not observe humor in the hospital nor my urologist’s office, so I made an effort to give some laughter from my perspective to my doctors and their staff. I would recite a limerick to them about their treatment, exams, and their side effects of their efforts. I figured it was better to laugh that cry.
Some of these are pretty raw and exaggerated, which is the nature of limericks. They are pretty chronological in order and recorded for copy-right protection.
Please enjoy and smile,
Jim Yount
UROLOGY RADIO ONCOLOGY
SANDRA, SHARON, AND DEBBIE TOO
WITH MARKERS RED, WHITE, AND BLUE
DREW A MAP ON MY BUTT,
SO THEIR PHOTONS COULD FIND THEIR WAY THROUGH
IN A ROOM WITH A NICE COOL BREEZE
AND MY PANTS PULLED DOWN TO MY KNEES
MARY JO SAYS LIE STILL
I SAY THAT I WILL
BUT WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SNEEZE?
DEBBIE, JANET AND THE BENCH WARMER, AND OLIVIA
TALK TO ME ABOUT TRIVIA
THEY SAY WITH A BOIG SMILE
HANG AROUND HERE A WHILE
WE’LL ZAP YOUR C-A TO OBLIVIA
TOM I’VE ONLY ONE WEEK TO GO
ALTHOUGH TIME GOES BY PRETTY SLOW
TO GET RID OF THIS ROT
I THANK YOU A LOT
YOU’VE LENGTHENED MY LIFETIME I KNOW
I’M FEELING MUCH BETTER THESE DAYS
THANKS TO YOUR CARING PROFESSIONAL WAYS
AND TO YOUR FINE STAFF
ALWAYS QUICK WITH A LAUGH
I THINK YOU SHOULD GIVE THEM A RAISE!
THERE WAS AN OLD MAN FROM TEMPE
WHO WAS FILLED WITH JOY AND GLEE
WHILE HE WAS TRANQUILLY DREAMING
HIS DOCTOR WAS REAMING
SO NOW HE CAN ONCE AGAIN PEE
I CALLED UP MY DOCTOR TODAY
ABOUT THE RESULTS OF MY LAST P S A
HERE’S WHAT HE SAID
“JIM YOU ARE NOT DEAD”
OH BOY, DO I LIKE IT THAT WAY
THERE WAS A MAN FORM PAH RUMP
WHO WAS LEFT WITH A NAUGHT BUT A STUMP
WITH HIS DOCTORS PRESCRIPTION
AND NURSE KAREN’S DESCRIPTION
HE PUMPED UP HIS TRUMP FOR A HUMP
IN A DOCTORS OFFICE IN WHICH I TAKE STOCK
NURSE KAREN WORKS FOR MY UROLOGIST DOC
SHE HELD ONTO ME
WHILE MY DOC HELPED ME PEE
BY SHOVING A STICK UP MY COC
WHEN I COULD NO LONGER PEE PAST MY TOES
MY DOC PUSHED A TUBE UP MY HOSE
I KNOW NOT HES INTENT
BUT I KNEW WHERE IT WENT
ITS TIP CAME OUT THROUGH MY NOSE
January 2010
THERE WAS AN OLD MAN FOR LAKE PLACID
WHOSE DEMEANOR WAS INCREASINGLY ACID
SINCE HIS SURGERY WENT ASCEW
HE COULD NO LONGER SCREW
BECAUSE HIS ORGAN WAS FLACID
THERE ONCE WAS A WOMAN NAMED ALICE
HOW GAVE HER HUSBAND CIALIA
IF SHE ONLY KNEW
SHE’D TURN BLACK AND BLUE
FROM THE BANGING SHE GOT FROM HIS PHALLUS
FOR A BIOPSY OF MY PROSTHETIC MASS
TRANQUILIZED, THE DAY QUICKLY DID PASS
ALL I REMEMBER OF THAT DAY IN DECEMBER
IS SOMEONE’S COLD HANDS ON MY ASS
LITTLE WILLIE WAS ONCE A GO-GETTER
BUT LATELY HAS BEEN LIMPER, SORER, AND WETTER
THIS STUFF THAT I HAVE
CALLED DR. NAIR’S SALVE
HAS MADE LITTLE WILLY MUCH BETTER
I KNOW A UROLOGIST NAMED INGER
WITH WHOM I WISH NOT TO LINGER
BUT HE’S AS GOOD AS THEY COME
FOR A GUY WITH NO THUMB
WHO CAN PRACTICE WITH ONLY ONE FINGER
AND I KNOW WHERE IT GOES!
JULY 2011
MY DOC SENT ME TO ONE OF HIS CRONIES
WHOSE TREATMENTS ALL TURNED OUT TO BE PHONIES
HE SENT IN A YOUNG LASS
FOR A SHOT IN MY ASS
WHICH MANAGED TO SHRIVEL UP MY COJONIES
THERE WAS ONCE A UROLOGIST NAMED KELLY
WHO GAVE ME A SHOT IN THE BELLY
“IN MIRACULOUS WAYS
IT WOKS IN SEVEN DAYS”
SURE ENOUGH, IT TURNED MY WEE WEE INTO JELLY
ROLF PANKE IS MY HARD WORKING DOC
HE TREATS PATIENTS ALL ‘ROUND THE CLOCK
AS CHRISTMAS DRAWS NEAR
DOCTOR ROLF, NEVER FEAR
SANTA ILL FILL UP YOUR SOC